The premise of The Brand New Testament is that God is a mean-spirited jerk who spends most of his time sitting at his computer thinking of new ways to make people miserable (e.g., whichever line you choose to stand in, the others will move faster). God lives in Brussels with his intimidated wife, The Goddess, and their 10-year-old daughter, Ea. Their son, Jesus, is, of course, dead. However, as a small statue, he is still able to tell his sister how to escape their father by climbing through the washing machine and emerging into a laundromat in Brussels.
Before she leaves, Ea sneaks into God’s office, hacks into his computer, and sends a text message to everyone on Earth telling them exactly when they will die. Accompanied by a homeless man who doesn’t have a cell phone, Ea goes in search of six new disciples to add to Jesus’ twelve. This plot line doesn’t work so well, but the part about everyone learning about their death date does. What’s the point of fighting in a war? What’s the point of plugging away at a boring job or enduring an unsatisfying marriage?
When God chases Ea into the real world, The Goddess, while cleaning, inadvertently reboots her husband’s computer…and the world changes again.
